Chapter 11 - Coming Out of the Closet

Once I had rinsed my mouth out with soap, for the third time, I hobbled back into the dining room only to find Lana and Merlin had already left me. I stood there for a few minutes wondering how long it would take me to find them in this crazy place when I heard my sweetie holler at me from the next room.

"If you're through being a baby, come in here. We'll find some real clothes and then you can help Merlin, while I check out the comm system." Following the sweet tones of her voice, I found myself in the largest dressing room I had ever seen. It must have been as big as the Astrodome. Mirrors completely lined one wall and there were huge neatly labeled closets, filled with outfits from every age of man.

Lana was sorting through all the modern age women's clothing when I walked in. She finally selected an outfit suited more for the cable repair man than a gorgeous babe like her. I waited until she came out of the changing room before passing final judgement on her choice and I must say, while it was kind of plain, she filled it out nicely.

When I could drag myself away from watching her, which wasn't until she threatened to dress me herself if I didn't hurry, I went directly to the closet marked, Old West, and found myself some real clothes. My outfit consisted of a nice pair of Levis with leather chaps, (I had always wanted to wear chaps), a sturdy flannel shirt, and some alligator boots. I finished my ensemble with a black Stetson, worn cocked slightly to one side, and a black leather duster. All I needed to complete the look was a horse, a lasso and maybe some silver spurs.

I was ready to ride the range and I sauntered out of the dressing room, hoping Lana would fall to her knees in worship when she saw me all duded up. She was standing there waiting, rather impatiently, I might add. I could tell by the way she was tapping her right foot against the floor, but I didn't let that bother me. Women are always impatient. I walked back and forth across the room and slowly turned in circles so she could admire my outfit. I was watching her face real carefully, to see if she noticed how tight the jeans were and how well my ass and other items of interest were outlined by the snug fitting denim.

Well, she didn't fall to her knees, not that I truly expected her to. Lana just rolled her eyes and started criticizing my choice. It must be hard to be a woman. I mean they always have to have a nasty remark ready for the one they love. I don't think I could be that quick. They must train them from birth or maybe it's a required class in school. I can see it now, "How to Intimidate Your Loved One With Sarcasm and Wit, 101." Lana must have had all A's in that one.

There was no humor in her eyes as she stared at me, her eyes roaming up and down my costume, inspecting every item while I made my modeling debut. I felt like a two-year old who needed her permission to dress.

"Don't you think you're going a little overboard with the outfit, Jordan?" she finally spoke, her voice rising in volume and pitch until it was practically a squeal as she went on. "Wouldn't jeans and a t-shirt have been more practical and certainly quicker? Are you not capable of rational thought at all?"

"Practical, Shmactical," I sputtered out. I really, really didn't want her to make me change and I knew my whining wasn't going to work particularly well with this one. I decided to try something different this time. I tried to reason with her like an adult. Which is a polite way to say I begged.

"Don't you have any imagination, woman?" I started. "Why this is the perfect get-up for an adventure. With these boots and this hat and coat I am prepared for anything: mud, rain, sleet, snow, cattle, you name it. Besides, everyone ought to be able to dream, shouldn't they?"

At this point I fell to my knees to make my final plea. "Please, please, please," I begged. "Don't make me take it off. I may never have a chance to wear chaps again in my life. If you have a shred of human feelings for the men of our species, you'll let me pick out my own clothes this one time."

"Whatever, Jordan. I'm not sure where you are going to find any of those things on this ship, but if it makes you happy, then I guess I won't make you change. Anything is better than having to watch your ass peaking through that toga. Now come along little dogie, we have work to do," she replied shaking her head.

I won. I couldn't believe it. It was getting easier all the time to make her see things my way. My strong male authority must have been wearing her down, or maybe she was finally tired of arguing with me. One could always hope. I didn't care either way, cause I got to wear chaps, and I was the coolest cowboy on the mothership.