Chapter 14 - Button, Buttons, and More Damn Buttons

After I had spent a few moments congratulating myself on doing such a good job, I turned to face the monumental task in front of me. I told myself it was going to be fun, and over quickly. I mean, how long could it take to push a bunch of stupid buttons? Maybe Amy would be up by then. Even if I couldn't keep her, she still sounded like someone I would like to know. Thoughts of my naked alien spurred me into action.

I started running down the first aisle, pushing buttons on both sides. I was dancing and screaming and singing my favorite country songs to help me keep up the pace. About half way down the row I was reduced to a walk and by the time I got to the end of it, I was limping. My knee was bleeding again, from where I had fallen in the forest, and I couldn't believe how many more rows I still had left to finish.

I attempted using the palm of my hand to push the buttons, but that still made my fingers hurt when they slapped against the metal and caused me to accidently push the wrong button that one time. The pod started flashing and filling with fluid. I pushed the red button quickly and went on, hoping no one important would be put in that pod. By the time I was done with the second row, I was barely crawling and the ends of my fingers were flat.

I had to find a place to sit and rest for a while. With all these spare pods around me, I just couldn=t resist and began to crawl into the nearest empty one. I was just about all the way in and lifting the last foot off the floor, when Lana entered the room and caught me trying to take my nap.

"Get out of there, you fool! Do you want to be put into hyper-sleep?"

Now, you must understand that right about this time, any kind of sleep sounded good to me. I'm not an alien and there are just some things a human guy like me needs: food, sleep, and sex at least once a week, for starters.

When I was sucked off my porch and up to see St. Pete, I was in the middle of an experiment to see just how long a guy could go without sex. Until I could get back to Earth and have real food again, I had to give up eating or walk all the way back to the space plane. I was in bad enough shape, and I didn't feel like testing the sleep portion of my needs, too.

"Sleep sounds pretty damn good to me, right now," I answered this woman who was beginning to get on my nerves. She had denied me sex, made me wait until I was ready to faint from lack of food before she fed me, not to mention that she tried feeding me recycled food. Now she wasn't even going to let me get the rest my poor over-worked, over-tired body needed.

"You can't go to sleep right now. I have been through the entire system and I know exactly what the problem is, but there is no one else awake who can help me fix it."

"Tell me Lana," I asked through half closed eyes. "Do I look awake and raring to go to you? Can't you see the bags under my eyes? The listless movement of my limbs?" I guess my health was not one of her major concerns, cause she just went right on as if I hadn't said a word.

"Please help me, Jordan. You are the only big strong man available right now. I know you're tired, but you are so strong, so powerful, and I need you sooo desperately."

She said this in a different tone of voice than I had ever heard her use before. It sounded a lot like begging. I like a woman that knows how to beg. I hate being the only one in the relationship that has to. The way she was pleading for my help made my exhaustion slip away and filled me with boundless energy. Soon I was ready for action. Besides, if I helped her in her moment of distress, maybe it would help me get a little closer to my goal of getting her into bed with me. I felt this was my big opportunity and I had to play this just right.

"You need me? Isn't that nice?" The sarcasm was dripping off my tongue.

"I might be persuaded to help, but not for free this time. I'm tired of being dragged all over the universe with no reward. This time I want something
in return." As I spoke, I gave her that look no woman can resist. I don't think she was quite ready for the look and didn't react the way the waitresses at Kelly's usually did.

"A reward? Are you joking?? I tried to do this the nice way, Jordan, but you don't seem to understand nice. So, let me put it to you like this, Jordan. If you don't do what I tell you to, I will have Merlin use the matter transmitter to send your ass to Pluto and you can sleep there. For eternity."

This woman just never gives up. It's not like I asked for a lifetime commitment or nothing, just a little bit of friendly sex. You know, something to perk me up before I did whatever she needed me to do this time. I knew I didn't really have a choice and that spacing my butt was still a real possibility, so what options did I have?

Her refusal to fall under my spell dissolved that spurt of boundless energy I had found and I was too tired to try to win an argument with her. The only argument I had managed to win so far was the one about wearing my chaps, and they were beginning to feel a little heavy as the day went on. There just wasn't enough strength left in my poor abused body for me to keep up the manly man act. What was the point? I knew she wanted me, she knew she wanted me. I was just going to have to play the game her way. But, damn, it was a long tiring game.

"Come on, Lana. I'm tired. I've done everything you've asked, quickly and efficiently. I even forced myself to wear that ridiculous tablecloth just so I would not offend your delicate sense of smell and make you ill. I've been pushing buttons for the cause until my fingers are raw and bleeding. What more can you ask of me?"

"Jordan, quit your damn whining and listen to me. This is important. There's an antennae station out on the surface of Charon. It must have been hit
by a meteor or something because it is pointing toward the center of the galaxy instead of at Earth. The ship is not receiving transmissions from the G.O.D. computer because of the bad alignment."

"So? What's that got to do with me? You're the computer expert."

"What has to be done has nothing to do with computers. We need someone strong to go out and realign the antennae. Someone like you, Jordan," she said, draping her arm over my shoulder all cozy and friendly again.

I suppose I should have been wary of the sudden compliment, but I got so damn happy that she was letting her true emotions show that I would have walked through space for her at that moment. I had no idea how prophetic that thought was.

"Uh ... okay. What do I have to do? Push some really big button or something?"

"Well, it is a bit more complicated than that. I am going to transmit us both up to the surface airlock and I will explain it all to you there," she said as she took one of those palm-top things out of her pocket. I decided I was going to ask for
one of those things before this was over. Everyone looked so smart and official when they used them. I wanted one, too.

I started thinking of all the fun I could have at home with one of those. I'd never have to carry all those beer bottles to the trash and I couldn't wait to send old Digger up on the roof of the house to see what he'd do. Making Grandpa's teeth disappear off the dining room table, next time he spit them there in the middle of Sunday supper, wasn't such a bad idea, either.

This made me wonder what actually happened to things that were transmitted, so I asked Lana. For once, she actually gave me an answer, although when she was finished, I wished she hadn't.

"In terms you would understand, it takes you completely apart at the molecular level and sends all your molecules wherever I tell it to. If you are lucky and everything is working like it should, your molecules will all join back up in their proper order when they get there. If you're really lucky, you may end up with a few extra brain cells that were left over by the last person who used the transmitter. G.O.D. knows you could use them." She was such a tease.

"What do you mean, If you're lucky?"

"Well, every once in a great, great while there is a little accident. Nothing to worry about though," she said with a straight face. "Where do you think the idea for that movie 'The Fly' came from."

I had seen that movie and the sequel, and I didn't want to end up looking like Jeff Goldblum did at the end. I decided matter transmitting wasn't for me and told Lana so.

"You big baby. How do you think you got to the island? And what do you think the doorway in the clearing was? Did you think you really walked through a doorway and into the caverns? So, see, you've already been transmitted twice, with no ill effects. Not that anyone would notice if you came up with a few more brain cells missing."

"Ha! Ha! Ha!, Is that supposed to make me feel better? I didn't exactly have nice landings either of those times, Darling. I think I'll just give up matter transmitting. My chin and belly have taken enough abuse. With my luck I would probably materialize inside a rock wall or something."

"Okay, if you are going to be such a wuss, we will do it the old-fashioned way and go up in the elevator."

"Hey, wait a sec, what about all the rest of the pods that I haven't pushed the button on yet? Merlin said it was important to have them ready and that they take several hours to cycle up. I can't do both, you know." Here was my way out and pushing buttons, no matter how sore my fingers were, was probably better and safer than being outside on this rock.

"No problem, Jordan. See this here?" she asked while walking to the front wall of the room and pointing to a huge metal switch that had "Master Turn On" written beneath it.

"I just throw this one switch right here and the job is done," she finished, throwing the switch with a flourish. "Any other excuses we need to get out of the way before we can get back to work?"

I had no more excuses, but there were certainly a few questions in mind. Like how come they had let me spend the last several hours pushing buttons that didn't have to be pushed? Do they really think I am truly that useless? I didn't ask these questions, because I wasn=' sure I wanted to hear the answers. I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt thinking that at least when I was punching the buttons, I could actually make sure everything started right. That had to have been it.
Lana watched me rolling these questions in my mind but when I didn't say anything, she started in again.

"Well, since you have no more reasons to get out of the work, follow me and I will explain what you have to do once we get there." With this she turned her shapely behind toward me and wiggled it down the hallway. Now that was a sight for sore tired eyes. I was really glad I hadn't let her use the transmitter. I'd have walked a hundred miles if I could have a view of her curvaceous rear in front of me the whole way. Well maybe only ten miles. For ten miles I think a girl ought to put out, don't you? Now the thought of being in an elevator all alone with her was beginning to make my blood pressure rise quickly. Not to mention a few other parts as well.

I was pretty sure she was lying to me about the transmitter and that this was all a ploy to get me into the elevator alone with her, and boy was I ready. I tried to concentrate on what she was saying. I did manage to catch a few things, but it was tough dragging my attention from that cute little bottom as it swayed back and forth and back and forth and . . .

"When we get up to the airlock, Jordan, you are going to have to put a space suit on. Then, you have to go out to the station and do just what I tell you to do through the headset."

The space suit sounded cool, but the idea of walking out to the station made me stop for a minute. I do mean stop. Dead in my tracks. Lana kept walking and talking as I stood there and remembered the loaf of bread and the dirty underwear. I decided I didn't want to join them in space.

I was about to turn around and go back to the big cavern, where I figured I could hide between the icepods and evade her for hours, when Lana entered the elevator and turned around to see me stopped in the middle of the hallway. I could tell immediately from the look on her face that I was about to be yelled at again.

"Come on, Dufus. We do not have time to waste. Get your lazy butt in here." I guess I was getting pretty good at reading my Darling's moods.

"Lana, don't misunderstand. I really do want to help you and Merlin and G.O.D. and all, but I'm not sure about this. I don't mind putting on the space suit, but floating around in space doesn't sound like something I'm cut out to do. I try
to do all my flying in planes."

Once again, I made my dearest laugh that lovely laugh of hers. I seemed to always be able to put her in a good mood, instantly. Now if I could just figure out what was so funny, I would have my problems solved.

"Jordan, you are something else. When you watched all those science fiction movies we grew up on, did you ever pay attention? Or were you too busy trying to spot T and A shots? You will have weighted boots on, which would be enough to keep you safe. But, if it makes you feel any better, we will also attach your tether line to the moon rover. Now, do you feel safer?"

"Moon rover? What's a moon rover? Is it something I can drive?" I asked, my ears perking up. This was beginning to sound a bit more interesting.

"Follow me, little boy and I will show you," she said with that look that meant she thought whatever she showed me would convince me to do what she wanted. She was probably right. I always was a sucker for anything with an engine. I could find no way to get out of this without looking like a real coward, and I do like new toys, so I took a deep breath and headed for the elevator. My only comfort and consolation was that I would have a few minutes alone with Lana before I had to go on my little walk. Unfortunately, alien elevators are faster than ours.

I leaned toward Lana as the elevator doors closed, and was about to make my move when the doors opened right back up. I thought something must be wrong with the elevator and I began to have visions of being trapped in it with Lana, when she stepped out into the hallway.

"Come on, Jordan. Get out. We are here and we really don't have the time for your chicken-shit routine." Her good moods seem to be getting shorter and shorter all the time, I thought as I stepped out quickly and followed her.