Chapter 6 - I'm a Leaving on a Space Plane

Now this was a cockpit. Just being inside the plane was enough to get my mind off my aches and pains. There were more gauges, buttons, and knobs than I had ever had to play with on any of my planes, and a lot of them were glowing really neat colors. Rather than sitting down like I was told, I took this moment of solitude to walk around and look over all the gadgets, gizmos, and switches on the panels throughout the room.

I know that Lana told me not to touch anything, but I figured it couldn't hurt to push one measly little button. I mean, these things were so complicated that I was sure you had to push more than one button at a time to make something happen. I had just decided on the bright blue button and had my finger on it when Lana came through the door.

"Don't touch that!!!!" she screamed.

Now, if the woman just hadn't yelled, I wouldn't have been startled, and I wouldn't have accidently pushed the button. Not that she'll ever believe me. It was a good thing we had already loaded everything we were going to need. With a few explosive pops and the high piercing sound of twisting metal, the catwalk blew off the side of the ship. Amidst a loud clattering, screeches of pain, and a cloud of dust, it disappeared into the bottom of the cavern. I stood at the edge of the door watching while it fell, thinking to myself, "I really hope I never run into any of those Trolls again, and I wonder if the catwalk bounced?" Until Lana grabbed me by the arm and started dragging me to the pilot's chair. She could have at least let me watch until the dust settled.

"You. Sit. Here!" she yelled in my face. "Strap your ass in and don't touch a thing until I tell you to."

Even though I knew the explosion was all her fault, I decided this probably wasn't a good time to bring it up so I strapped myself into the seat as she had asked. The panels and gauges in front of me weren't all familiar, since I had never been in a space plane before, but I did recognize most of the flight controls. After all, flying is my life. Well . . . flying, Digger, and trying to get some from the waitresses at Kelly's Bar. I tried to sit still and be patient until she was ready for me, but sitting quietly was never one of my strong points. Just ask the teachers who wrestled with keeping me quiet in class.

"Uh, Lana? Can I ask you a question?" I ventured into her fuming silence.

"Yes, as long as you don't have to touch anything to ask it," she replied gruffly while she continued her typing at the keyboard in front of her.

"Are you really going to let me fly this thing? It's not exactly a crop duster, you know," I asked softly. Most of this still seemed like a dream to me. I had given up all hope of ever making it into space in my lifetime, long ago. I guess that was pretty accurate, too. I mean, since I had died, this wasn't really in my lifetime, was it? It still gives me a headache to think about those kind of things.

"Don't worry about it," she answered stopping her typing long enough to turn and look at me. "All I need you to do is steer us out of the cavern and then into the mother ship. The computer will take control of the flight between the planets. You can handle that, can't you? I sure hope you can handle it, since my life is in your hands. Now please shut up and let me finish programming navigation. We don't have much time."

I was getting really tired of this woman bossing me around and talking down to me like I was some kind of Neanderthal. I decided it was time to make a stand and show her she wasn't my boss. So I did. I unbuckled my seat belt, stood up, stretched, and decided to have a look around while Lana did her thing. Whatever that was. I made it as far as the hatch leading to the rest of the ship before she grabbed me and shoved me back into my chair.

"Listen, you Redneck idiot, this is not a game," she hissed at me. "If you don't do exactly what I tell you, I am going to throw you out the air lock once you've served your purpose."

"How do I know you won't do that anyway?" I responded shrinking back into my chair. She may have been beautiful, but at that moment she looked downright scary.

"G.O.D. says I can't, or I would have gotten rid of you already. Besides," she continued, "it will be more fun to throw you out the air lock after we take off. Then I can watch you explosively decompress."

I could tell she was beginning to like me. Her hissing was taking on that bedroom quality the longer she talked and she kept leaning over me and pointing in my face, which gave a wonderful view down the front of her shirt. She had to know I was gonna look. That's the whole reason women wear those shirts, isn't it? Man, was she a turn-on when she was mad. I buckled myself in like she told me and pinched her delicious-looking behind as she turned away. For which I was dutifully slapped. Now I was sure she liked me.

Since I wasn't going to get to wander around, I settled for getting a better look at where I was. I sat back in my chair and gazed at the curved transparent walls surrounding me.

At first there wasn't much to see this far up in the cavern. The tunnels at this height were now deserted and the only thing coming through the top of the mountain was clear blue sky. Then, one by one, different parts of the windows turned into pictures from all around the ship. I could even see my trusty forklift sitting off to the side. It looked lonely without me. There was one picture that showed the Trolls hauling the last of the debris from the catwalk out of the blast zone. What a mess that one little button had caused. I thought it was kind of Lana to provide me with something to watch while she worked.

Lana finally finished her flight check and closed the hatch, pausing by the door long enough to punch a button that set off a loud siren outside the ship. I couldn't help ogling her tits as she climbed back into the seat next to me and pulled the belts across her chest. It reminded me of those Cross Your Heart commercials on t.v. that I loved as a kid. Still do, actually.

She checked all the view screens to make sure everyone was out of the way. Guess she didn't want to accidently roast a Troll. Then she flipped another switch that rotated the cockpit into it's forward flying position, which left me lying back in my chair, staring at the sky yelling, "Yeeee-Haw!! It's time to fly!"

Lana turned to me with a strange look on her face and told me we were ready to go, so I grabbed the big stick between my legs and flipped the switch marked "Booster Engine Start." The rocket engines roared beneath me. They were even louder than the glass packs on the '64 GTO I had in high school. What a rush! This was going to be even better than the fork lift. Of course, I should have known Lana couldn't stand me having a good time.

"Jordan!" she yelled at me, "Did I tell you to touch that button? Did I?"

"Uh, no," I answered meekly.

"All I want you to do is fly us out of the cavern. See the display in front of you?" she asked, tapping a long red fingernail against the display screen. "It will project the safest course out of here. That means you only need to touch the stick between your legs. Not the buttons, not the switches, just the stick and make sure you follow the little white line on your screen to get us out of here."

Lana turned back to her own control panel and flipped some more switches, making the engines roar louder and causing the ship to start shaking violently. Then she punched a red button in the middle of the control panel and we were off.

The ship lifted slowly at first and then gained momentum as I fought to keep control, aiming for the small hole at the top of the cavern. I made it through perfectly. Well, almost perfectly. It was just a little bump against the wall. It made this horrible nasty scraping sound, but at least it didn't do any major damage. I guess I should have looked at the screen rather than trying to fly it by myself. But I was too excited to
care about a bent fender; I was on my way to the moon. Well, A moon, anyway. This was the flight of my dreams.

Once clear of the cavern, we gained altitude quickly. After Lana finished programming the flight computer, the stick in my hand took on a life of it's own. We changed course, swinging around to the east, our thrust and incline increasing. The G-force mounted quickly, pushing me down in the seat. Time slipped, stretched, stopped, started and slowly settled back into the present.

The sky had turned black and the stars shone with a clarity that moved the soul, bringing faith one step closer to reality. We soared into the heavens as two spirits united in wonder. Or at least that's how I saw it. Lana was not quite the romantic that I am.

"You idiot! Can't you do anything right? You could have killed us." She was shaking violently for some reason and a little green around the gills. "All you had to do was point the damn thing at the hole and stick it through. You even had a trajectory path to follow. What could be so hard about that? I realize it's not a concept you've dealt with as often as grabbing the stick between your legs, but you've had to have done it at least once in your life!" She finished, her face changing from green to red as her anger overcame her fear.

"If it's so easy, why didn't you do it, huh? And what does that last comment mean?" I asked her. I was hurt; I thought I had done real well. It was my first space shot, after all. What the hell did she expect out of me, anyway? I sat sulking in my chair. She sure looked upset as she sat there and stared at me, and I couldn't figure out why. It's not like anyone would notice that the paint was scratched now that we had dropped the damaged booster into the ocean.

"I don't need you here anymore," she said after a long pause. "Go feed yourself. You do know how, don't you?"

I was beginning to love her more and more as I unbuckled and got out of the chair. She obviously cared about my needs. It must just be stress about having to fix the computer that was bothering her, not my flying. Now all I needed to know was where the food was. Being the woman of my dreams, she read my mind.

"Straight through that hatch there are living quarters. You'll find food in the first room on the left." She was softening up, I could tell.

"And don't touch a DAMN thing except food! Make sure you clean up your mess and stay out of my hair. If I don't see you again for the next 24 hours, it'll be too soon."

"Yep, she's definitely warming to me," I thought as I ambled off to find myself some grub.